Stop thinking that you are not good enough, you won't land your dream job, you won't have a great sex life, you are not a good mom, etc. They're lies we tell ourselves. Everyone has the power to take control of their lives and achieve their goals.
Don't break commitments or promises you've made to yourself. Imagine a hypothetical friend who disregards commitments similar to how you disregard your own commitments. For example, she promises to go on runs with you every evening but always cancels at the last moment because there's something good on TV. You would be frustrated with this friend.
Keeping promises to oneself is essential to build self-respect and to form healthy habits. To make it easier, make the promises realistic and start with smaller commitments before moving on to bigger ones. Building a habit of keeping promises will help train the mind to achieve future goals and expectations, leading to greater self-respect and personal growth.
Don't take “no” for an answer when it comes to pursuing your dreams. Many people (parents, friends, colleagues, etc.) will doubt you. The only person who needs to believe in you is yourself.
The author's dream is to become a published author. However, no publisher wanted to publish her first novel, Party Girl, without making changes to it that were impermissible to the author. The author decided to self-publish and Party Girleventually became a success.
Success takes time. Be patient. Julia Child took a decade to writeMastering the Art of French Cooking. James Cameron took fifteen years to make Avatar.
Don't settle for an unexceptional sex life.
Self-image issues prevent the enjoyment of sex. Your partner is not thinking about the purported imperfections in your body during sex. He is simply ecstatic that he's having sex.
Try positive self-talkto improve your self-esteem. The author regularly repeated to herself that she's sexy, and she eventually believes it.
Commit to an orgasm when having sex. Many women do not expect to orgasm. Erase this narrative and have sex with an orgasm as the goal. Your partner will appreciate this idea because a loving partner is eager to pleasure you.
Try having sex every day for at least a month. It will lead to experimentation and you'll discover enjoyable new ways of having sex. The author was pleasantly surprised when her partner wanted to have sex even more after this experiment.
We all face chaos in our lives (dryer breaks down on laundry day, heating goes out on a chilly day, etc.) but we don't need to despair in them, because they are not signs of our failures -- they're often inevitable consequences from circumstances outside of our control.
Embrace the chaos instead of swimming against it. Try laughing at difficult situations, and accept offers of help, no matter how small.
Struggles with health and body image issues are common in our society. Love and respect your body.
Your weight does not define your identity. While it is essential to love and accept yourself, if your weight is unhealthy, you should work hard to change it.
To lose weight, you need to consume fewer calories than you burn.
Two tips to becoming healthy: Edit your social media to unfollow any models of unrealistic beauty standards. Prepare rigorously -- make your healthy food for the week in one setting and lay out your exercise clothes in advance.
Do not compare yourself to others, you'll always be unhappy if you do. Only compare yourself to the person you were yesterday.
Do not worry about what makes other people happy, focus on what makes you happy.
It is important for your wellbeing to build a supportive community of friends and loved ones.
Diversity is important for personal growth and a life of richness and understanding. If life was a book, wouldn't it be boring if all the characters were the same?
The author had a sheltered upbringing in a small, conservative, and religious town, and a visit to Disneyland stunned her because of the different new types of people she'd seen. She was dumbfounded and stared at people as if she's in a zoo. Now, one of the author's best friends is an African-Mexican American gay woman, who taught her how to recognize her unconscious biases and learn from other people's narratives.
Visualize your goal to stay focused and motivated. The more tangible and detailed your goal, the more effective it will be. Try to feel what it would be like when you accomplish your goal.
The author set a goal to buy a Louis Vuitton purse once she billed someone $10,000 in consulting fees. The specific and tangible goal of buying the purse helped her stay driven and focused on achieving her dream.