Littler Books cover of Models: Attract Women Through Honesty Summary

Models: Attract Women Through Honesty Summary and Quotes

Mark Manson

3.1 minutes to read • Updated May 22, 2024

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What it's about in one sentence:

A refreshing guide to attraction as an emotional process of genuine connection rather than a logical one of faked behavior.

Bullet Point Summary

  1. Attraction is gained from inner confidence, which comes from valuing your opinions of yourself more than the opinions of others.
    1. This manifests in dating by not adjusting your behavior to please someone more than that someone is willing to adjust their behavior to please you.
    2. Inner confidence doesn't mean you disregard others' opinions entirely, it means you value your own more.
  2. You should not need the validation of others to feel good about yourself. An unconfident man bends over backward for approval.
  3. “Instead of thinking, 'I wonder if she'll like me,' think, ‘I wonder what she's like?'”
  4. Many dating strategies will advise faking confidence through manipulative tactics (e.g., purposely not texting back, pretending you're busy) -- this will not work in the long run as your facade will be exposed eventually.
  5. Inner confidence builds attraction by signaling you are high-value, which women desire because high-value men could better provide for offspring.
  6. We've evolved to value confidence. Before the age of money and fame, confidence indicated high status since low-status men had to care what others thought while high-status men did not. Thus, confidence still demonstrates high value today.
  7. Inner confidence helps you to view rejections as beneficial -- it's simply evidence that the woman would not be a good match, leaving you free to find someone who is.
    1. “Rejection exists for a reason -- it's a means to keep people apart who are not good for each other.”
    2. “You are going to be incompatible with most of the women in the world and to hold any hopes of being highly compatible with most is an illusion of grandeur and a figment of your own narcissistic tendency.”
  8. Inner confidence enables you to "polarize" women, compelling them to decide if they like you or not. Most women you meet will be neutral at first, polarize by asking for their number or to go on a date, improves efficiency -- if they decide no, you can move on quicker to someone else. With less fear of rejection, you'll polarize more, encounter fast rejections, and better build connections with mutually interested women.
  9. To develop inner confidence, you must be honest through three ways:
    1. Lifestyle: living based on your values, not others' expectations
    2. Boldness: becoming comfortable with our intentions
    3. Communication: expressing our sexuality freely
  10. Become physically desirable by paying attention to your style, fitness, posture, and voice (low, unhurried, and audible).
  11. Develop independent interests and hobbies to enrich your life.
  12. A key to confidence is overcoming worries of pursuing women. Worrying demonstrates inconfidence by prioritizing others' judgments. Pursuing women shows confidence by not caring about potential rejection.
  13. You'll never fully erase worry, but you can act in spite of it to gradually grow braver. To overcome your worries:
    1. Identify your specific worry (e.g., approaching women).
    2. Take tiny steps that barely trigger it, keep doing that thing until it's easy, and then move to the next step (e.g., if approaching worries you, start by just smiling at women, then just say hi, then add one sentence, then more, until you build up to a full conversation).
  14. If you don't overcome these worries, you may start to wrongfully blame women for your struggles or convince yourself you need to learn more tricks before attempting connections. True confidence comes from taking action despite worries.
  15. True attraction involves communicating honestly by being authentically vulnerable and conveying it effectively.
    1. Women can read your intentions -- if your behavior matches your intentions, she'll trust you. Mismatched intentions breed distrust.
    2. Conveying vulnerability well avoids misinterpretations.
    3. “Everything you say must be as authentic as possible. There's no shortcut. There are no tricks. You say it because you mean it and mean it because you say it. The more nervous it makes you, the better, because it means you're being authentic and making yourself vulnerable.”
  16. When introducing yourself, approach her calmly from the front and smile. Use a simple, direct opening line like "Hi, I'm XYZ. I think you're beautiful so I wanted to introduce myself."
    1. She's deciding if you're confident and well-intentioned, not analyzing your line. Needless complications suggest anxiety or dubious motives.
  17. To carry a conversation:
    1. Practice sharing information about yourself to establish comfort and connection.
    2. Encourage her to share details by making interesting statements instead of direct questions, leading the conversation with observations (e.g., “I bet you're not from around here” instead of asking where she's from).
    3. Show a sense of humor by focusing on your preferred style of humor and seeking someone whose humor aligns with yours; improve by studying renowned comedians.
  18. Ask for contact information only if she seems interested. Look for signs of interest like hair touching or paying extra attention to you.
    1. Initiative contact within 24 hours after getting her info, continue the conversation the next day, and focus on scheduling a date.
    2. If she declines or remains unresponsive on three separate occasions, move on.
  19. The first date should be four to six consecutive activities involving physical activity and engagement, such as walking through a market, ice skating, or sharing a meal, to establish intimacy and increase the likelihood of further intimacy.
    1. Don't plan inactive dates like watching movies.
  20. Women are aroused by feeling wanted. Demonstrate your desire through touch. If she smiles, gazes at you, or moves closer, she's likely interested.
  21. Men often miss women's desire signals, so kiss at the first notable sign. If declined, ask why -- she may just dislike the location.
  22. In bed, build anticipation through foreplay, direct her by moving her around, and communicate openly to learn her preferences. Laugh together if awkward moments occur. Moves things forward physically while ensuring her comfort by showing your desire and reading and respecting her signals.

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