Book Description
“How to Win at Dating, Marriage, and Sex” according to the lead pastor of Transformation Church.
If You Just Remember One Thing
True relationship goals aren't about superficial checklists like looks and money. Th... More
Bullet Point Summary and Quotes
- Successful relationships require intentional goals directed by God. Don't follow superficial and unrealistic standards set by pop culture.
- We must align our relationship goals with God's plans because our personal desires can lead us toward unfulfilling or unrealistic destinations.
- Sarah created a highly unrealistic list of requirements for a potential husband (e.g, being both a successful business owner and a preacher).
- "Many of us are tapping in our own destinations for relationships, but they are not necessarily the goals that we should really be pursuing."
- A relationship with God is the foundational relationship from which we form all other human connections.
- Author's friend Doug walked away from his faith and subsequently lost his business, friendships, and marriage, showing that "when he lost relationship with God, all his other relationships suffered."
- God establishes an individual's purpose before providing a romantic partner, so we must seek out our calling and find a partner who helps fulfill that purpose.
- "Adam not only had relationship before he had a person; he also had a purpose before he had a person... [Eve] supported him in doing his God-given job. She helped him fulfill his purpose."
- Singleness is not a curse or a waiting room, but rather a vital period for self-discovery, character building, and preparing for future relationships.
- "Singleness is the time for ‘I': invest, imagine, and inspire. Invest in what you want to see grow in your life. Imagine what you could be tomorrow if you started today. And inspire others by using everything you have now to make a difference.”
- You must learn to love God and embrace yourself before you can properly love someone else.
- "There's no way you can figure out how to love somebody else well in a relationship if you have not first figured out how to love yourself in singleness."
- Recreational dating is aimless whereas intentional dating is purposeful, sets boundaries, and specifically evaluates a person for marriage.
- Dating should be viewed as transportation, not a destination.
- "At the airport, they don't want you to stay on the tram... They want you to hang on just long enough so you can get to the destination."
- "If he's not mateable, he's not dateable. That simply means, if you wouldn't marry the person, don't go out with him."
- “I always encourage people to pay attention to patterns, not potential. All of us have the potential to do better in our weak areas, but can we live with each other's patterns?”
- Relationships that drain your value, distract you from God's purpose, or were initiated out of impatience rather than God's timing, need to be ended.
- The biblical story of Abraham and Sarah pushing Hagar into a relationship to produce a child demonstrates how impatience leads to painful, dysfunctional relationships that eventually have to end.
- “...some relationships in your life may be more liabilities than assets. (For the nonaccountants, liabilities take from you; assets give to you.) So, what relationships in your life are taking from you? Taking peace? Taking joy? Taking time? Taking something you can never get back? You might have people in your life who are always negative, people who are always creating drama, people who tell you the truth but it always has a bend toward what's wrong in life. They're sucking and they're taking and they're making it harder for you to be who you were made to be.”
- “I made the intentional decision to invest only in relationships that are reciprocal… It has deepened and enriched my relationships and saved me so much time and heartache, as the people I'm embracing embrace me back.”
- When a breakup is necessary, it should be executed swiftly, kindly, and cleanly so both parties can move forward.
- Sex is a beautiful gift created by God, but it becomes a destructive force when practiced outside of marriage.
- "What is water when its full power is uncontained and on the loose? Hurricanes, floods. It's destruction... But when water is properly contained and channeled, it can turn electrical turbines and provide light and power.... What does it look like when we're having sex outside marriage? It looks like destruction."
- A healthy marriage operates like a triangle, where the husband and wife draw closer to each other as they individually draw closer to God at the top.
- “The real mark of love is giving, and giving takes sacrifice."
- Women require security, affection, and communication. Men require honor, respect, support, and sex.
- "A want is a desire... A need is a requirement... we don't give these things when we feel the other person has earned them... We give them because the other person needs them."
- To prevent a marriage from growing stagnant, you must return to the singleness phase by continuing to develop your individuality.
- “So, let me ask you, What's the last thing you did to improve yourself? Did you go back and take a finance course so you can stack up the green better? Did you break a bad habit, like smoking? Did you make a fitness plan and stick to it? Did you decide to watch less TV and read one book a week? Did you study French so when you go to Paris you'll be able to tell whether they're serving you good food or not? Doing stuff like this isn't selfish. It adds to the marriage.”
- Successful marriages require intentional communication (speaking your partner's love language) and conflict resolution (eliminating unspoken expectations and monitoring tone).
- The author once got furious and threw his wife's donut out of the car because she didn't buy him a drink at a gas station even though he didn't ask her to.
- "When you don't speak your expectation from the beginning, you are setting up yourself and your spouse to fail."
- Achieving relationship goals is a lifelong journey that requires constant trust in God and a willingness to repent when mistakes are made.
Relationship Goals: Resources
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